The First Date
Here we will break apart the different aspects of the first date. From asking, to dressing to dropping her off.
What does the first date mean? What are you telling a girl by asking her out and how does she interpret it? These are all things that we will discuss here. Now that is not to say that all girls are the same or that they interpret things the same. But hopefully I will help you to read how she feels and how she is interpreting your actions.
Getting to Know Her.
So our first step in the “First Date” section begins with getting to know the girl that you want to ask out. I am going to be bold here and say that first dates that are “get to know you” dates are unsuccessful more often than “get to know you BETTER dates.” You don’t want to waste too much time getting to know them before you ask them out, but feel free to just invite them to hang out with you and your friends a few times. See if she invites you back and see what she is like. This is a great opportunity to flirt with her and show some interest and see how she responds. And you wont feel like you are asking out a stranger. Also the dates you take her on can mean more because you already have an idea about what she likes and dislikes. WARNING!!!: You do not want to get into the “Friend Zone.” You want to get to know her but you do not want to become too good of friends with her that she doesn’t see you as someone that she can date. So flirt and hang out once or twice and then if you still feel good about it then take charge and go ask her out. I’m not saying that being a friend will stop all chances but it just goes better if there isn’t “limbo” between when you meet and when you ask her out. If you feel that you are already in the Friend Zone then your best bet would be to flirt with her and try to spend time alone with her. Don’t hide your feelings but don’t be too forward. Let her know that you like her and accept whatever she sends back.
Asking Her Out.
The next step in this whole process is asking her on a date. Whether you have gotten to know her a little or even if you are going to ask her out just after having met her (which is ok too) how you ask is a very important part of getting her to like you. Up to this point she may have only guessed that you liked her. She has probably assumed a few different things. She may have thought that you were a really nice guy and that you did like her. Or she may think that you are just the kind of guy that is nice to everyone. Maybe she thinks that you are a player and that you were just trying to flirt with her. But no matter what she has thought so far, how you ask her now will solidify one of those assumptions in her mind.
Now I am going to assume that you are the kind of guy that actually wants to be in a relationship and you want the girl know that you like her and to like you back. So here are my “Three B’s” to asking a girl out:
1. Be confident – A girl will respect you more when she sees that you are a confident guy. But do not be arrogant. Asking her in person shows confidence but allows you to show her respect in person so that you don’t come off arrogant. Phone calls are OK too if they are the only option. texts are NOT a good way of asking a girl out no matter what!!
2. Be Kind – Show her that you respect her by smiling and being a pleasant person. Look her in the eyes, compliment her and make a little small talk. Take notice in how she does her hair so that you can be ready to notice a change. Finally, after a few minutes of talking, ask her a question like this: “Hey (her name), would you like to go out sometime this weekend?” What you have done is asked a yes or no question that allows her to give you a few answers. First she will say yes or no which has obvious meanings. But you have also given her the entire weekend to find a time when she can go out with you. Thus avoiding awkward scheduling conflicts. Plus if she searches hard to find a time then you know that she really does want to.
3. Be Prepared – Once you ask her out it is good manners to explain the activities that you have planned for the date. Don’t be too specific but give some general details and ask her how she feels about it. Try to avoid saying things like “I don’t know, we’ll figure something out.” or “I haven’t thought of anything yet.” Always make sure to have something already planned.
So lastly guys I would say that overall asking a girl on a date is a way of telling her that you like her and that you are interested in spending some time one on one with her. You are telling her that you want to get to know her and that you find her attractive. These are the things that are going to go through her mind after you ask her and these are all very good things. And what we will talk about next will be how you can make sure that she continues to think those things are true. Next we are going to talk about what the plan for the date should be.
Having a Plan. (Date Ideas)
So you are taking this girl on a date and you now need to know what you should do on that date. Hopefully you have gotten to know her to the point where you know a little about her personality and you can apply the date to something that she would like to do. The basic plan for a date is to go out somewhere to eat where the two of you can talk and get to know one another, followed by some sort of activity where the two of you can interact and see each other in different settings. There really is no set schedule for a date and there are a lot of different ways to be successful. My advice would be that whatever you do make sure that it is something that the two of you will enjoy and you will be able to get to know each other better. I will talk more about what to do on the date a little later. Here is also a link to a great site that I know with a seemingly unlimited supply of date ideas that you can try and even change a little to make your date one that she will never forget.
What to Wear.
So now that you have asked her out and she has agreed (hopefully), now it is time for us to talk about what to wear on your date. This part is a little tough because so many people have different styles of clothing and so it is hard to pin down what exactly to wear on your date. Overall I would say that you need to look nice. Whatever you wear make sure that it is clean (and so are you) and neat and that she can tell that you spent a good amount of time getting ready. Basically what you are saying is that you care enough about her and her opinion that you wanted her opinion of you to be a nice one. How you are dressed will be the first thing that she sees when you pick her up and therefore plays a role in the first impression. You want her to see you and be impressed. Dress to fit the date. If you are doing something active then dress accordingly. This one isn’t a huge deal but I did want to stress the importance of being clean yourself. Shower and wear deodorant. As far as cologne goes it needs to only be noticeable to her when (and if) she hugs you. “Less is Best.” Either way just make sure that you look nice.
Picking Her Up.
When you pick a girl up for your first date you are participating in a special kind of first impression. She already knows that you like her and if she said yes then she probably already likes you. So in her mind this is the first time that she will see the two of your “together.” This is the first picture she will get of what it would be like to be your girlfriend. I know that it might sound a bit intense but it has gone through her mind a time or two. The two of you will be going somewhere with a certain level of commitment to each other in public places and interacting with each other. The first few minutes that you spend together will tell her a lot about what kind of man you are going to be. So here are a few things that you need to remember.
Number 1: Always get there FIVE minutes early. Girls are notorious for being a bit late but that doesn’t mean that they will not judge you for being minutes late. You show up five minutes early and she will invite you in to relax for a bit. Don’t pressure her to hurry but just chill while she finishes up. If her family is there then talk to them and be pleasant. Those who are closest to her will have the biggest influence on her.
Number 2: KNOCK ON THE DOOR!!! Do not send her a text, phone call, e-mail, or honk the horn to let her know that you are there. Show the girl some respect and get out of your car, walk to the door, ring the doorbell, and stand up straight a few feet away from the door.
Number 3: When she finally comes out find a way to tell her how good she looks. Just a subtle compliment to start things off right. A simple “Wow, you look great” will do fine. Just something to add to her confidence and associate you with happiness.
Number 4: This last one is a killer. Open the car door for her. If there is one thing that guys have forgotten to do over the last decade, it is open the car door for the girl. Some girls don’t like it and say that they prefer that you let them open it for themselves and if this is the case then so be it. But at least try to open the door. This is some sort of signal that every girl interprets to determine if you are a respectful guy or a total jerk. Don’t forget it.
On The Date.
Now you are on the date. You have picked this girl up and so far you have done everything right. Up to this point you have only been spending time with her as a friend and so it is going to be different to spend time with her as a romantic interest. Meaning that you must treat her differently. She is not your buddy now but she is a girl that you are interested in. So you must act accordingly. The jokes you tell need to be appropriate, you need to go out of your way to show her respect. Be kind and don’t gossip about other people. Talk about her and what she likes to do. Find something about her that you can connect with and draw that connection. Spend time talking about what you have in common. This is really important for a few reasons. Number one it is a filler in that it avoids awkward silences. Number two is that when we talk about things that we are interested in to people who are willing to listen and comment, then we are happy and positive. So if she is talking about her interests with someone who shares that interest then she will associate that person with those happy feelings. Overall just remember to be yourself and have fun. Plan something that will allow you to interact and move around. Have fun with it.
Throughout the date (if it is going well) then there will come a point where a connection is made about something that you are both interested in and one of you will say “Yeah, we should hang out sometime and do that.” If the girl says it then this is a great sign and means that she is interested in meeting you again. If you feel like things are going well and you are interested in her then throw that out there and see how she responds. If a commitment to hang out later is made then it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that it happens. We’ll talk about this later.
Dropping Her Off
Well this is it. This is the part where you leave this girl wishing that you hadn’t left or angry that you didn’t leave earlier. ALWAYS got your butt out of your car and walk her to her door. I say walk but I would suggest doing more of a stroll. be very slow about it. This says that you have enjoyed spending time with them and you want to drag it out a bit longer. However once you get to the doorstep then all lolly-gagging stops and it is time to say goodbye. The doorstep is the window of freedom from a date. It is like once you cross the plane of the awning both of you enter this “almost there” mind set. This is not a bad thing. It is just that up to this point everyone has been on their best behavior and she just needs to relax a bit. This means that the doorstep is not a place to start a new conversation.
THIS IS IMPORTANT: If the girl wants to continue talking to you then she will start the new conversation and you are welcome to continue. If she does this then it is a good sign and you need to be enthusiastic about talking for extra time. She might invite you inside to which you will respond in the affirmative. Basically follow her lead when you are on her doorstep. All you need to do is be yourself and be polite and read the signs. If she is touching the door nob then she is ready to go. If she is standing away from the door and looking out at the street or at you then this is a good thing and means that she wants to keep talking. But eventually you need to tell her that you had fun and that you want to do something again. Give your salutation and then give her a hug.
And when I say to give her a hug I mean a real hug. Open both arms pointed downward at 45 degree angles and move closer and she will do likewise. Feel free to squeeze JUST A LITTLE. Girls love to be squeezed. She may go under your arms which is normal and there is nothing wrong with it. She may put her arms above yours which is a way of her telling you confidently that she likes you (we’ll talk about kissing a bit later). And lastly she may go underneath with both arms coming up behind you to your shoulders which is a way of her saying that she wants to hug you more/cuddle with you. Some are better than others but all hugs are a way of unawkwardly breaking the physical touch barrier. When she releases then so do you and you walk away. Don’t hang around. She has been with you all night and you need to let her go. It is even a good idea to leave even if she acts like she wants you to stay. It is a way of making her miss you and that my friend is what this is all about. Say goodbye and watch her go inside. Then drive home and feel victorious no matter how it went. Don’t beat yourself up.
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